The Philippine Online Chronicles

Gods. Mortals. Armour. Shield. Sword. Blood.

Put these ingredients together and you get another movie about Ancient Greece. It seems there’s one that comes along every year or so.

The latest movie to use the ancient Greece theme is "Immortals." Probably still in some theaters, Immortals is a 3D fantasy action film directed by Tarsem Singh, the maker of The Cell, J.Lo’s sci-fi flick several years back.

If the name Singh does not ring a bell, that's because his commercials and music videos are more popular than his movies (I haven’t seen The Cell either.) He was the one who directed the critically acclaimed music video of R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion."  He was also the one who made the Pepsi gladiator commercial--the one where Britney, Beyonce, and Pink played gladiatrices while Enrique Iglesias played the emperor who hoarded all the Pepsi.

Top billed by Henry Cavill, Freida Pinto (from Slumdog Millionaire), and Mickey Rourke, Immortals opened to mixed reviews, with some critics saying it has a rather weak storyline. Made by the producers of 300, Immortals passes as a fun watch, but more for its stunning visuals rather than substance.  The film was said to be big-budget, and it isspectacular, but if you’re looking for something intelligent then this is definitely not the best choice. Watch it on one of those nights when you just want your dose of six-packs. Or, if you’re a guy, watch it with your pals because this movie is just bursting with testosterone.

Mythology vs. Movie (Skip this part if you don’t want spoilers.)

Immortals tells the story of how Theseus defeated vicious King Hyperion, who seeks the legendary Epirus bow so he can use it to end the rule of the gods.

The mortal Theseus, born a bastard because his mother was raped, has a strong protective tendency when it comes to his mother. Throughout his life, he has been guided by an old man played by John Hurt (I know him better as Ollivander) who taught him how to use the sword. When King Hyperion kills his mother right in front of him, Theseus vowed revenge. Fortunately for him, he was the one destined to find the Epirus bow—a weapon believed to be so powerful, that Hyperion seeks it relentlessly so he can use it to free the Titans who were locked up because they’ve been really bad to the gods, to say the least.

This is the movie plot, but Greek mythology tells us something else. According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, Theseus is the founder-king of Athens, the son of Aethra. Theseus’ Wiki page also does not mention Hyperion, although one of his most popular adventures was slaying the minotaur, as was in the movie, albeit in a different setting. Myth says Theseus is Poseidon’s son as well as  Aegeus’ (double fathers is quite common in Greek mythology) so he is a combination of both mortal and immortal.

Meanwhile, Hyperion was “one of the twelve Titans of Ancient Greece, the sons and daughters of Gaia (the physical incarnation of Earth) and Ouranos (literally meaning 'the Sky'), which were later supplanted by the Olympians.” He was believed to be the lord of light, and the Titan of the east. There was no mention in his Wiki page about him being obsessed with finding any bow.

Henry Cavill as Theseus

As expected, we get another drool-worthy actor to play the lead role. Cavill is a British actor and is on his way to becoming the next big heartthrob. You might recognize his pretty face from his previous movies, but if you don’t remember seeing him, that’s because he doesn’t have that many big roles yet. He had a minor role in Stardust, but don’t pity him just yet because Cavill is set to be the next man of steel. See how his muscles go with the Superman costume here.

Henry Cavill Trivia

Did you know that Cavill was dubbed by Empire magazine as the "Unluckiest Man in Hollywood"?

That's because Cavill has had a lot of near-misses of blockbusters. He almost played the roles which made Robert Pattinson famous--Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Movie #4) and Edward Cullen in the Twilight series. Twilight author Stephenie Meyer even called Cavill the "perfect Edward." What happened was that Cavill turned out to be too old to play Edward when the Twilight production began.

Cavill was also almost James Bond. According to reports, the producers and director were torn between him and Daniel Craig. The role eventually went to Craig because they opted for an older Bond.

The lowdown

The sight of rippling pectorals and half-naked men is always a sight to behold. However, in the case of Immortals, the excitement wore off almost immediately. Although the visuals were impressive, the lack of substance is glaring and quite frustrating.

Despite heavy promotion and marketing, Immortals rated only 36% on the Tomatometer. Maybe people saw it as a mash up of 300 and clash of the Titans.

In a nutshell, I can sum up Immortals in three sentences:

1.    Theseus is a really hot guy but he is a mama’s boy and is super protective of his mum.

2.    Hyperion is obsessed with finding the Epirus bow because he is anti-gods.

3.    The virgin oracle played by Freida Pinto won’t stay virgin for long.

Photo from Flickr.com. Some rights reserved.