The Philippine Online Chronicles

Author’s Note: With much trepidation, we are down to a mere 114 days before the term of our beloved president ends. We are hoping for a miracle to prevent this tragedy. This is The Countdown To Stepdown: it’s like a Christmas Countdown, but sadder.

Nation, there has been a lot of furor over the fact that presidential son Mikey Arroyo, as well as former DOE secretary Angelo Reyes, are actually mulling offers to be nominees for party-list groups.

Mikey Arroyo is supposedly going to represent “Ang Galing Pinoy,” a party representing security guards, transport drivers, and other similar people. Reyes is supposedly going to represent “1-UTAK,” a group for jeepney drivers and operators. Satur Ocampo and other militians have been decrying this, saying that Mikey and Reyes are anything but “marginalized,” and certainly do not represent the sectors they purport to be nominated by.

Nation, while I can’t fully speak for Angelo Reyes (other than he does look like a jeepney driver, so maybe his claim to represent the sector has merit. Does he also use 25-centavo coins to pluck his beard?), I think it’s safe to say that I will be willing to fight tooth and nail to defend Mikey Arroyo, much in the same way I defended his mother last week.

Nation, you might find it hard to believe, but Mikey Arroyo, like all the other Arroyos, in fact, are a marginalized sector of society. If you don’t think so, then you are, quite frankly, nuts.

Nation, have you seen this video? Have you seen this picture? Have you seen the countless headlines and columns directed at embarrassing him and the rest of his family?

Have you ever heard what they call his father, FG Mike Arroyo, every time they see the man driving a Mercedes? They derisively call him “Pork and Benz!” How much more insulting and marginalizing can you get of the Arroyo clan?

The fact that there can be as many as five Arroyos in power after May 10 does not take away from the fact that they are more marginalized than gays, laborers, public school teachers, and women alike. At least, when a grave injustice happens to these other sectors, people feel bad for them. Who feels bad for the Arroyos?

Well, they’re in luck, because patriotic Filipinos such as yours truly will feel bad for them, and won’t stand for people impugning the dignity of this great family who have given themselves to us so unconditionally. I, for one, would be exceptionally happy to see them set a new world record for having an unprecedented five family members in the same government body. It’s an achievement that shows how the Arroyo clan is concerned with putting the Philippines into the world spotlight for everyone to stand up and notice how great a nation we truly are.

Unfortunately, even I would find it difficult to justify Mikey Arroyo attempting to represent security guards and drivers, making him ineligible for the minimum requirements for eligibility in the party-list system.

As such, it would most likely be more prudent for him to wait three years first before making a congressional bid via party-list, and actually starting a party-list that he would clearly be a representative of: a party-list that represents the Arroyos as the undeservedly marginalized sector of society that they have turned out to be.

In fact, I believe that I have come up with a few party-list name suggestions for them in the near future:

1. Most people think that an Arroyo party-list is best named as this for they are truly representative of it: “Kalayaang Umunlad Pinakahandog ng mga Arroyo na Lumalaban”

2. Others believe in brevity to define them: “Partidong Arroyo Kasangga ng Yaman at Urbanidad”

3. Still others believe this party will not only represent them, but even those who support them: “The Alliance of Nationalistic and Good Arroyos”

4. Most believe that this is what they epitomize, though: “Arroyos for Security, Social Health, Organization, Legislation, and Exemplary Service”

5. However, an overwhelming majority wish that for the best of the country they should: “Strong Camaraderie of a Republic is the Arroyo Mission”

Nation, while I cannot possibly recommend Mikey Arroyo for the coming May elections, he has my seal of approval as your party-list Congressman in 2013. I know how many politicians crave my ultimate seal of approval lately, but I am nothing if not selective of who such a prestigious honor would go to. The Arroyos are a marginalized lot, and we must do everything we can to protect them in the years to come because they are a rare breed: a rare breed of politicians who continue to raise the bar in governance in this wonderful country.

Of course you know, in the end, this can only mean good things for GMA.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The views presented in this article are not necessarily shared by those of the POC, Chip Tsao, Stephen Colbert, or even the author himself.)