The Philippine Online Chronicles

Metakritiko presents the NOSTALGIA series, where writers remember and ruminate on the cultural relics of days gone by.

When I see today's youth constantly connected to their iPods, mobile phones, laptops, and various portable and non-portable video game consoles, I often think of the simpler toys and childhood entertainment during my youth— the long gone days of the 90’s. I often find it hard to think of myself as an adult but whenever I walk into a toy store these days, reality hits me like a violent toddler's kick to the shins. Flashing lights! Non 8-bit music! Robots that can do just about anything! Justin Bieber on toothbrushes! Since when were toothbrushes toys?

I can’t help but feel old when I see all that junk. Nothing against technological advancement, but surely being a kid is supposed be more exciting than plopping down in front of a screen and clicking little buttons? I remember my childhood consisting of water gun fights, dolls parties, LEGOs, Play-Doh, jigsaw puzzles, and so much more. We had a family computer and a TV, sure, but my most technological playthings were a Tamagotchi and a big fat grey Gameboy that only played Tetris. Waiting for my school bus after school hours was a joyful mess of Agawan Base, Chinese Garter, or Chinese Jackstones— none of this sitting in rows on benches playing Angry Birds in silence.

The most valuable use for sewing class we had in third grade was learning how to sew up Chinese Jackstones— basically small, pillow-like bags filled with monggo that we could play with much in the same way as regular American Jackstones, except not at all like it. While regular jackstones come with a rubber ball and ten “jacks”, our version consisted of five mung bean pillows, four acting as jacks and one pillow acting as the ball. Our real project for that home economics class that year was to sew up aprons and pillowcases but with all the leftover fabric, waste not want not as they say.

Does anyone still remember pickup sticks? They were sticks that you… picked up. Anyone too young to know them will be reading this with one eyebrow raised but I remember endless hours of fun playing along those same school corridors, where the rule was basically to open your fist and release the sticks, and only stick that is allowed to move is the one the player is trying to pick up. We honed excellent hand-eye coordination skills in that way. A number of my batchmates have recently passed the medical boards— and I give credit to our school games.  Children now have such shaky hands it’s unbelievable. Sure, give them a mouse or a controller and they can beat you senseless in any video game, but give them an actual real world item such as a pencil, a set of pickup sticks, or try and get them to peel fruit and watch out. Better yet, don’t do that.

I remember this one Christmas when my aunt gave me my first Barbie doll. Not Malibu Barbie, not Tattoo Fun Barbie, not that horrific pregnant Barbie complete with pull-out foetus--- just a plain Barbie Barbie. Blonde, boobsy, and a complete embarrassment to the feminist movement. I put my third grade sewing skills to good use and made up all the wearable outfits I could imagine. Shoes though, were beyond my skill level. I realize Barbies have all but gone out of style now, replaced with the most bizarre sexed up dolls I have ever seen in my life. While Barbie may be a bad role model, body-shape wise, the Bratz series is basically a collection of prostitutes in hooker heels, varying states of undress, and possibly sporting STDs. Lips don’t get that pouty unless you had something, darling. Don’t even get me started on the “Monster High” series of Barbie-like beings. Surely if promoting body image disorders is a bad thing, glorifying the undead and children of the undead is worse?

Water guns used to be so simple. You have a plastic container shaped like a gun, and you fill it with water. Part of the fun of playing with water guns was budgeting your ammo, and being sneaky enough to carry refills in the form of an actual water bottle. Now we have the Nerf Super Soaker Tornado Strike Blaster, the Sizzlin' Cool Wave Thrower , as well as special water gun “refill stations” for sale! Balloon pumping stations are also part of kids’ paraphernalia now. Really? Last I checked we still had faucets. And lungs.

Also, when did LEGO get so complicated? Whatever happened to those solid little bricks of yesteryear? Nowadays you can buy all sorts of LEGO “sets”— LEGO Harry Potter, LEGO Large Pink Brick Box Kids Building Set, LEGO Star Wars Hoth Wampa Set, and countless LEGOs with longer and longer names that barely wrap around the box. The beauty of Lego was that it was so simple! You have small bricks, and you build anything. Literally anything. My neighbour used to come over to my house to play with me and we’d merge our Legos and build! It’d be a different theme everyday— we’d build our dream house, or we’d build a city, or once we even built a pirate ship complete with mast and a handkerchief for a sail. I can’t imagine doing that with a LEGO SpongeBob SquarePants Set: Krusty Krab Adventures. It’d be living in a pineapple under the sea every day for us, unless our parents bought every single other LEGO set and that would just be crazy.

I was in a McDonalds the other day and saw one of the worst things I have seen in my life— an infant sucking on a French fry and playing with its own iPad. No disrespect to either Steve Jobs of the parents of said infant, but surely there are better ways spend a Sunday afternoon than to go to McDonalds? Or fine, granted a sentimental attachment to the fast food joint, perhaps there are better ways to entertain a child? For instance, talking to it? Reading to it? McDonalds aren’t exactly bastions for silent dining after all. There’s this video of an adorable French baby girl completely confused with how to use a magazine. She pinches it, slides her finger across it, and eventually declares that it’s broken.

This is not what I want for my kids. In five to ten years, when my children bless the world by coming into being, they’ll learn how to sew Chinese Jackstones, play with pickup sticks, and never ever touch one of those horrible themed LEGO sets. I have the greatest respect for technology and sex, but even more respect for my children and their right to develop creativity, resourcefulness, and have a proper childhood.

Image from Flickr, used under the Creative Commons license.