Disconnecting in a world that’s too connected

disconnect_1 How are you living your life unplugged? When was the last time you truly switched off and disengaged from anything remotely electronic and just enjoyed the quiet? Sleeping doesn’t count. Technology has been so entrenched in our daily lives that it seems impossible to live without it. Admit it – how many times have you looked at your phone in the past few minutes? How many times did you open a few more tabs in your browser? While technology is a reliable way to keep informed, it also is a reliable reason for disengaging you from what’s going on around you.

When temptation makes for fractured attention

A recent study in the journal Psychological Science states that Twitter can be more addicting than vices like cigarettes and alcohol. With devices on hand and readily available, the accessibility of the medium satisfies a vice-like craving faster than you can walk into a convenience store to buy your smokes and liquor. The temptation is greater as the ability to fullfill the need is quicker. Looking deeper into it, this makes for little pockets of instant gratification. At the end of the day you’ll probably be one amused fellow, but also a more distracted one.

With a lot of mobile phones and gadgets that’s always turned on, it can’t be helped that you anticipate the next message, the next update. This makes reaching for the gadget more frequent than usual. Because of this, attention isn’t fully focused on one activity. Perhaps you’re finishing a project report but little pop-ups on the bottom right of your screen tell you random updates about contacts in the social media. Attention is divided and fractured. Whatever energy you needed to give that project has been taken merely by the anticipation of such updates.

Physically present, but are you really there?

In 2009, the Annenberg Center for the Digital Future at the University of Southern California reported that family time is decreasing as the use of the internet soars. The internet’s one-on-one nature has encouraged isolation. Instead of viewing TV as a family, each family member can watch his choice of film or show on his own computer or device. Even if the whole family is in one room surfing at his own pace on his own gadget, there is less interaction between them.

Filipinos are getting more and more plugged in. A recent study by TNS Digital Life 2012 stated that digital has overtaken radio and print media in the Philippines. Online access is still mostly through personal computers at home and at internet shops, but mobile internet is on an upswing. Smart phones and tablet use are rising. It is interesting how we are becoming more and more digitally connected. While this may be good news, what if you took a step back and evaluated what you’re missing by being too plugged in? First, is there such a thing as being too plugged in? I say there is. When excessive computer use begins interfering with one’s daily life, I think this is a qualifier of being too plugged in. Experts seem to think so too. They call this internet addiction disorder.

What you lose out on being too plugged in

The more attached you are to your gadget, the more involved you are with it. The more involved you are with it, the more disengaged you are to what’s around you.

During a dinner out, I was observing another table composed of family members. The father was on his iPad, his wife was texting on her mobile phone, their children were playing with their game consoles. The meal was in front of them yet they weren’t talking. I’d hate to think that this would be the standard of family dinner outs to come once we become more and more attached to our devices.

For parents, the more they’re focused on technology, the less attention they give to their kids. It’s becoming easy to give a mobile phone or a tablet as a pacifier to a kid throwing a tantrum. It’s very difficult to appease an angry child, but gadgets make them easier to calm down. No patience? Plug your kid in. Disaster averted. While quick and easy, what does that say about the discipline we’re trying to instill in kids? What does that say about our own kind of parenting?

I’m guilty about that. I’ve given my iPhone to my son numerous times, particularly during doctors’ visits. It’s a way of distracting him from the shots that are about to come. I know it’s wrong, but sometimes the easiest way to calm them down is to plug them in. However, I know I lose out on helping build my son’s emotional skills. He needs to learn patience and using a phone to stunt the cries is no help at all.

Relationship-building, character-building, family time... these are just some elements that you miss out on when you’re too switched on. Disconnecting is very difficult, but it has to be done. I’ve tried it several times, failed several times, but I’m getting there.

Disconnecting to connect

Disconnect to detoxify, disconnect to connect. If a weekend free of digital connection sounds too daunting, try it for a couple of hours. You can give it a whirl while you’re finishing up a report, or while you’re taking a walk in the park with your children.

The best way to disconnect is to rid yourself of the devices that digitally connect you. During that one hour walk, leave your mobile phone at home. This way, there is no temptation to sneak a peek at your text messages or live-tweet what you’re doing. Your focus is on your children, your walk and the vigorous exercise you’re getting. Ah, doesn’t that feel good?

Now talk. Talk to your children. Ask questions, tell stories, encourage interaction. If you’re taking a walk alone, enjoy the peace and quiet. If you’ve decided to disconnect so you can finish a job, try not to think of real-time updates and other online distractions. See your task through within the hour, without even a little glance at where you hid your mobile phone.

Being unavailable may do you good, but it will do you better when you have the support of others. I once left my mobile phone at home so I could enjoy an afternoon walk with my son. It was a blissful couple of hours. I came home to several missed calls and upset messages though. While I wasn’t expecting any important calls or messages, it earned the ire of some friends who thought I was ignoring their calls. After explaining my afternoon of disconnecting, they had a better understanding of what I was doing. It still didn’t ease the frustration (and concern) they felt, but making others aware of your plans to disconnect can also help. I personally don’t think you owe anyone an explanation if you want to disconnect, but just be wary that some people might be less understanding.

Think of non-digital solutions to situations. This applies to toddler tantrums or kids’ boredom. Turning the TV on is easy, but there are more engaging, more vibrant ways to get their attention. Get out old board games. Go for a walk. Play with their toys. Take out crayons and create a masterpiece together. This requires more effort than picking up the remote control and switching channels, but the rewards you reap are more fulfilling.

It’s difficult to disconnect in a world that’s overly connected. It is, however, not impossible. Tell me. How are you living your life unplugged?

Photo: “Red, Unplugged” by My Melting Brain, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved. Photo: “Alexandrina: Jetty” by Meena Kadri, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved.