What recession? (The world's most uneconomical cuisines)

Food is a central activity of mankind and one of the single most significant trademarks of a culture. Thank you very much, Mark Kurlansky.

The world is at the brink of complete starvation, but people, no matter what, would always go through every nook and cranny to have their empty stomachs filled—or at least satisfy the yearning for something palatable.

So maybe watching Food Network the entire day could do the trick, given that you are on a self-imposed "house-arrest": you are still waiting for that dream job, ergo, you are penniless, you cannot go out or call for food delivery. At the end of the day, your stomach just ends up feeling more hollow and craving for that unreachable gustatory pleasure.

And like in any other crisis, there would always be people who just seem untouchable by all the chaos that money (or the lack of it) could bring. Say, paying for any of the following insanely expensive dishes because: a) of the hype; b) of its oddity; c) it gives a taste of culture; d) you are raring to show how adventurous you are; e) the chef claims it's worth smashing your dear piggy bank for; or f.) you have a rising politician host to fund a night of enjoying the good life.

Say “Aah”

A rare vegetable called Hop “Asparagus” is said to still date back from the ancient Egypt, making it a candidate for the oldest root crop grown in the world. Its taste borders between asparagus and spinach and may cost P11,600 a kilo. All the more reason parents have to make children finish their veggies. Hops can be used to enhance flavors in dishes, or even to brew beer.

Not my cup of tea

Tienguantin oolong (Iron Goddess of Compassion tea) is an uncommon Chinese green tea that gives off a delicate flowery aroma which could effectively ensnare you to buy a cup for P710 and take home a kilo for P142,000.

Last supper

Fugu is the Japanese word for pufferfish and the dish most delicately prepared from its meat. If poorly prepared (which, on a positive note, is very rare), this delicacy could cause immediate death as it contains the poison tetrodotoxin, 1,200 times more notorious than cyanide. If ingested, the victim will experience paralysis, vomiting, and asphyxiation, which will eventually lead to death.

The price to pay for this experience? Price per kilo would be around P5,900 to P14,200 while price per pound ranges between P2,600 and P6,400.

Tender loving care

Forget pounding beef to tenderize it. Hardened meat can no longer respond to your desired succulence. Take these famous "residents" of Kobe, Japan for instance. The black Tajimi-ushi breed of Wagyu cattle are said to undergo a fine tradition of special diet, regular brushing, and soothing massage, allowing them to yield the most sought-after meat with rich flavor, tenderness, and heavy marbling of fat. What you give is what you get; no guilty feeling. Except, perhaps, for the bill that could range from P25,600 to P36,300 per kilo and P11,800 to P16,500 per pound.

Spit soup, anyone?

Unappetizing as it may sound, nido (Spanish for “nest”) soup is a Chinese delicacy widely popular in the Philippines and has developed a crazy market price range of P94,800 to P472,000 per kilo and P43,000 to P215,000 per pound. The estimated price, however, is affected by the rarity and difficulty of acquiring the hardened saliva-nests of male swiftlets from atop dark cave walls. The soup is also believed to be good for digestion, the immune system, and respiratory ailments.

Cheesy overload

Think you have tasted all the melted creamy goodness when you take a bite of that ravioli oozing with three kinds of cheese? Try considering moose milk cheese: high in protein, low in fat. Hailing from the only moose farm in Europe, adopted wild moose Gullan, Helga, and Juna produce milk that owners Christer and Ulla Johansson churn into 350 kg of cheese. However, their May-to-September milking season limits the availability of the cheese to exclusive hotels and restaurants in Sweden, which in part accounts for its P28,300 price tag per kilo.

“Crappuccino”

Yes. Coffee beans excreted by an animal for that distinct coffee perfection strike you as revolting and unhygienic. But Indonesia's Kopi Luwak, Kape Alamid in the Philippines, has undergone studies attesting to the time-worn health advice of thorough washing under running water after collection from a civet cat's droppings. Not that doing so entirely disperses the pathogens that may cause you a bad tummy or anything worse. Besides, it is the taste people are after, which the coffee berries achieve when enzymes from the civet's stomach penetrate the berries and reduce the bitter taste. This undigested delight costs P12,500 to P62,500 per kilo and P5,600 to P28,300 per pound.

Loot in the truffle wood

Truffle has long been "hunted" in some parts of Europe for its delectable reputation. Truffle-hunters use pigs to sniff and dig out these hard-to-find treasures from beneath select trees in the woods. The Alba or white truffle is the most expensive known variety of truffle and it costs P142,000 to P442,000 for a kilo while a pound ranges from P64,200 to P198,300.

Outrageously valued aliment

Processed, salted fish ova in a bronze tin one could mistake for a lip balm tab up to a price range from P875,000 to P1.6 million per kilo and P400,000 to P730,000 per pound for the pale amber egg variant of the Iranian Almas caviar.

Golden touch

King Midas was wrong to quickly judge that his touch turned his meal into inedible gold. The Samundari Khazana (seafood treasure) curry is a mix of sea snails, a whole lobster, and caviar, all sprinkled with gold, which now has the culinary identity of “additive E175.” This glittering bling on your dish costs P77,400, nearly half the price of the cuisine itself which is P155,000, although it practically adds nothing to the flavor. EdibleGold.com said that gold is a harmless passerby in the digestive system and poses no threat since it will be excreted by the body unchanged—karats still intact as when you consumed it.

Prices (converted into Philippine Peso through Xe) and overall information are gathered from KnowYourMoney.

Photos: (1) “Asparagus & woodruff, Shoots of fiddlehead, hops and bull rush” by lesleyk, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved. (2) “The master prepares me some fugu (deadly blowfish)!” by Olivier Harris, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved. (3) “cup of civet” by d s, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved.