The Philippine Online Chronicles

You are a celebration -- from the bony knees to the flabby arms, to the stretch marks lining your underbelly. Scars tell a story and so does the frizzy hair that keeps getting in the way of your vision. You’re not an ugly duckling, nor are you forever the Before of Before and Afters. You are a celebration, but only you can start that party.

Body image is a tricky subject. It’s highly subjective, and the more intense one’s perception of herself is, the more difficult it is to change. The dictionary definition of body image is “a subjective picture of one's own physical appearance established both by self-observation and by noting the reactions of others.” The more filters one uses to see her body, the more distant she becomes to celebrating herself. The body becomes a present gift-wrapped with much complexity. Unnecessary tape and unnecessary wrappers make the present bulkier and less attractive, thwarting the true form of its core.

Pity party just for one

A negative body image can have a depressing outcome. When we feel bad about how we look, it affects our mood and the way we treat those around us. It is like a poison that spreads throughout the body. It could start with a dislike of one body part and explode all the way to how its perceived distortion ruins a whole life. “I’m so fat I’m such a loser.” “My nose is so big nobody will ever find me pretty.” “My legs are chunky so I can never wear shorts.” “I don’t look good in anything so I won’t attend the wedding.” “I give up on how losyang I look.” A negative body image can escalate to the point that the body is a hindrance to making one feel even remotely happy about oneself. Being the perfect physical specimen is the only ticket to self-acceptance. That will make for one painful and difficult ride.

Self-esteem: The core of the matter

The core of a negative body image is self-esteem. Self-esteem is the value one gives herself. The more fulfilled one is about herself, the higher her self-esteem can go. A person with high self-esteem feels good about herself, which can lead to feeling more empowered, which leads to overall enjoying life even more.

Body changes can affect self-esteem. Puberty can cause rollercoaster emotions in teenagers, strongly impacting how they perceive themselves. Teenagers struggle with physical changes and the need to be acceptable or comparable with her peers. “Am I tall enough?” “Are my breasts too small or too big?” “Why is my voice not as deep as his?” Comparing themselves with others occurs, strengthening their need to be accepted into a social circle. Coupled with the images pop culture displays, teenagers can be more impressionable than they can handle.

After women give birth, they could struggle with getting back to their pre-pregnancy weight. However, the impact of pregnancy can leave remembrances on their bodies. Stretch marks, a flabby tummy, rashes – these are some leave behinds of pregnancy that are difficult to erase. Some mothers find it hard to cope with these body changes and succumb to post-partum depression.

Media is always seen as a cause for negative body image. If you’re having a particularly low day, going down EDSA won’t make you feel any better. It’s filled with so many billboards of gorgeous women and bulked-up men on display that by the time you get to work, you feel your self-esteem dropping a notch or two lower.

Being teased while growing up can make an impact on self-esteem. Family is a big influence in teaching how one can value herself. Without this support, one may find difficulty in adjusting to the many changes she’ll go through in life. Being teased and criticized for the way she looks can negatively shape how she sees herself, from childhood all the way to adulthood.

Self-esteem definitely impacts how you take care of yourself. If you feel good about yourself, you’re bound to watch out for yourself more. If you feel bad about yourself, you may be more open to being destructive with yourself. An optimistic attitude can help build strong self-esteem. Couple that with a healthy lifestyle and you’re on your way to having a more positive body image.

Making peace with your body image

Body image is about controlling how you feel about yourself. Emotions are what you have to manage. This is why losing ten pounds won’t necessarily make you feel better about yourself, nor will changing the shape of your nose. The core of your insecurity and discomfort goes beyond what you see. If you change the way you see your body and the way you value yourself, you’re well on the road to improving your body image.

It’s about acceptance, not admitting defeat. “I can’t do anything about my big hips so I guess I’ll just deal with it.” This statement may go two ways: Accepting the truth with disdain or accepting the truth and celebrating it. Acknowledging that your body is your own is the first step to celebrating it. This is who you are. This is who you celebrate. It’s about appreciating the truth of your body rather than being crushed by it.

If there are parts of your body that you desperately want to change, take a step back and evaluate yourself. What characteristics of your body can you realistically change? What characteristics can’t you change and need to accept?

Silence your inner critic. You can be the cause of your own misery. When you begin putting yourself down, get a grip and stop doing so. Build your self-esteem by making a list of things you enjoy about yourself. What are the good things you have achieved? What about yourself makes you happy? You can cause your own happiness too.

Celebrate the positive changes you are making. “My tummy isn’t getting any smaller no matter how many crunches I do.” Remember: you are a celebration. Focus on the good things you are doing for yourself and run with it. You’re doing crunches, congratulations! Keep it up and you’ll get to your goal. Remind yourself that the tummy area is one of the hardest parts of the body to tone. You will get there.

Be wary about what you see in media. “Sometimes life gives us lessons in ridiculous packaging,”  shared musician Dar Williams. Some media influences set particular beauty standards that you can’t help but feel bad about yourself. Remember that they’re selling you a lifestyle. They’re selling you products that can alter your lifestyle. Sometimes it is done by heightening an insecurity you have (e.g. frizzy hair, dark skin) to sell a solution to what you perceive as a problem getting in the way of your where you want to be in life (e.g. frizzy hair doesn’t get you the guy, dark skin doesn’t get you the job). Media is a tricky storyteller. See beyond the “ridiculous packaging” it portrays and you’ll be fine.

Take care of yourself. Exercising regularly will help sustain your feeling good about your body. Eat right and don’t deprive yourself of food too much. Eating healthy is necessary to maintain an active lifestyle. Pamper yourself with a trip to the salon or masseuse. You deserve it!

Surround yourself with supportive and encouraging friends and family members. When you begin noticing changes in yourself, you may find others will be threatened by it. This may come in the form of them discouraging you or making negative comments about your changes. Be strong and don’t give in to self-doubt. Why tie yourself to energy vampires? They’ll just drain you of the positive vibe you will have learned to harness for yourself. Surround yourself with people who genuinely support and encourage you.

You are a celebration. Accept yourself for the beautiful woman that you are. Junk self-loathing and strive for self-confidence. Only then will you be truly able to make peace with your image.

Photo: “Seule au Matin” by Christi Nielsen, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

Toni Tiu is a freelance writer and business consultant. She has made peace with her stretch marks by looking at them as a badge of motherhood. Visit her blog at Wifelysteps.com.