The 3 stages of growing up: a parent's survival guide

Anyone who has felt the elation that comes with becoming a parent also knows the distress that goes with the territory. Sure there are those wonderful stories of hearing a symphony of angels the first time your child giggles. But that symphony can quickly be drowned out by a choir of witches cackling when your little angel turns colicky.

But hey, whoever said it was easy? Parenting is, by no means, a walk in the park. It is hard work, let me tell you.

There are books and resources that profess to have the great solution to the ever elusive magic wand of parenting. Some of them may actually work -- on the first child. Beginner’s luck, maybe. Oftentimes, what works for one doesn’t work on the next child. And this is where the problem often begins.

A child’s growing up years is marked by three important, albeit difficult, stages. And this goes for both the child and the parents who are, by default, in it for the wild ride. First on the list is “the terrible twos” then it is followed by the “tweens” stage and finished off by the problematic"teen years." Presumably, after both the child and parents are able to hurdle these stages, all should go downhill from there. Ideally, that is.

The terrible two’s

Ever wonder why you’re previously adorable toddler suddenly morphed from a bouncing ball of fun into, what others like to think, the spawn of the devil? One day your cute as a button little one was throwing googoo eyes at you and now throws you side glances that can literally scare the living daylights out of anyone. What happened?

The Terrible Two’s happened.

Characterized by constant tantrums and unexplainable irritability, a child going through this stage is definitely a force to reckon with. There are the constant “No’s!” and “I don’t want!!” lines that pepper almost all conversations with your toddler. Add to that the almost impossible task of making the child sit down and cooperate. This stage is really a parent’s proverbial “baptism of fire”. And although the phrase suggests that once the child turns three, the worst is supposed to be over it is definitely not the case. The Terrible Two’s can last well into their third or even fourth year.

But the Terrible Two’s isn’t really all that terrible, if you ask me. Other than a steely disposition, one really doesn’t need that much to be able to come out of the entire experience in one piece.

It is important to remember that it is during this age that the child is actually beginning to better understand everything that is being told to him. This is precisely the reason why disciplining is best begun during the Terrible Two’s. This is the time to teach the child the concept of “good and bad” and how “good” is rewarded and “bad” is punished. This is the time when the child should be taught when a parent says “No,” he/she means “No.” These concepts, if ingrained properly, will serve a higher purpose in the near future -- say five or ten years down the road.

Tweenybops

A “tween”, according the the Urban Dictionary is “ A creature that is said to be between the ages of 9 and 12, who for some reason, have immense ‘confidence’ in themselves.”

From the surface, that description doesn’t seem like it will create a problem. But on the contrary, “tweendom” is one of those phases in a child’s life that a parent dreads. In essence, tweendom is when a child transitions away from babyhood. Puberty hits at around this time and with it comes many physical and emotional changes.

This is the opportune time for parents to slowly guide their tween into the intricacies of early adulthood. A sudden shift in behavior is almost always the case. The child who once used to hold your hand for comfort now refuses to be hugged or kissed in front of their friends. It just isn’t “cool” to do that.

And physical changes are a big part of this stage. Girls enter puberty with a big bang and they normally have their first period during tweenhood. Growth spurts are also quite common during tweenhood and girls normally get there first ahead of the boys. So it is normal to see taller girls at this time. Their body also starts to develop and so does their vanity. And this can be a huge source of headaches for parents -- especially for daddies because their princesses are now slowly turning into women, believe it or not. Shutting them away in a tower and throwing away the key doesn’t solve anything. They’ll still grow up. A better alternative is to sit your little princess down and explain to her about the changes that her body is going through. They’ll be squeamish, believe me, but getting the info out there is better than just assuming she’ll know it all by herself or through peers who probably got their info wrong.

Boys, in their desire to assert their “coolness” try to act more manly and less like the boys that they really are. They try to act cool by sometimes ignoring their parents and try to do dastardly deeds for the sake of showing off. This, obviously, is not an easy task to deal with. Keeping the temper flare-ups at bay is best for parents when faced with a tween acting up. Best to keep a cool head and a good stock of patience. Explaining these changes to your child will help him/her understand what is happening. It would be moot and academic to go into the intricacies of what is good and what is bad. Tweens usually don’t take that too seriously anymore. Instead, explain the consequences of acting haphazardly. Explain the dangers of the world out there.

And if all else fails, you still have the power to ground them. Standing in the corner just doesn’t cut it anymore at this stage of the game. Taking away some privileges also does the trick sometimes. And a good and informative scolding almost always takes away some of the sting -- for the parents.

Teen spirit

Such is the power of this stage of life that the late great Kurt Cobain even wrote a monumental song all about the teen years.

There really is no rest for the weary. As soon as a child comes off from the Tween Bandwagon, he/she hops on the Teen Express without missing a beat. And you ask, what is this like? Well, take tweenhood, multiply that ten times and add a sprinkling of sassiness. That’s what it’s like.

The teenage years are riddled with angst and confusion, to say the least. Peer pressure is at an all time high and parents, most often, fall on the wayside as friends take the front seat in the life of a teen.

A teenager is in a struggle to find identity and this is a painful process.

Rather than stifling your budding adult, it is better to stand your ground on the discipline front without really pulling out the big guns. This is the perfect time to open lines of communication. Teens need their parents, even if they refuse to admit it. Showing them that you’re there, without really breathing down their throats, will be beneficial in the long run. Listen to their angst. Listen to their pain. And share some of your thoughts. Half of your advice will probably go unheard, but at least the other half will be taken into advisement.

And don’t put your teen down. Don’t. Encourage them instead. Remember, your teen will grow out of this stage in a few years and you don’t want them walking around with memories of how unsupportive you are.

At the end of the day, growing up is really a team effort. A child cannot grow up properly without his/her parents. Likewise, a parent cannot grow into the mold properly without going through the same pains that his/her child has to go through.

Photo: “Grown Up” by br1dotcom

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