Dear Fellow Mom,

Have you seen that cover on TIME? You know, the one with the super svelte Mom nursing her toddler? If not, here’s a look. If yes, how did you feel about it? More particularly, how did you feel about the headline “Are you Mom enough?” If you were bothered for even a split-second, you’re not alone. Maybe it bothered you because it made you feel inadequate. I’m not nursing my baby! Does that make less of a Mom? Maybe you’re bothered because you feel the cover was an exploitation of a nurturing act.

The funny thing is it’s the headline that’s most bothersome about the whole thing. If the cover photo was of a mother nursing her baby in her arms but the title were to remain, the cover would still be bothersome. Obviously, much of this cover was done for sensationalism, to generate buzz. I hate that it creates a divide among mothers. I hate that it positions breastfeeding Moms to be better parents. I hate that it positions those who adhere to attachment parenting to be superior to parents who don’t.

Motherhood is tough enough as it is. Can’t we all just get along?

To answer that TIME question, and to help you ease any worries you might have, yes, dear Mom, you are Mom enough.

I’ve only been a parent for two and a half years, but what I know for sure is that parenting should never be borne out of resentment. If you want to breastfeed, go nurse because you want to, because you love to and not solely because you have to. If you want to home school, go ahead because your heart is in it not because everyone else is doing it. Heck, if you don’t want to change your infant’s diapers because the meconium freaks you out, it’s okay to ask for help.

Let’s talk about not breastfeeding. When Ellen gave birth two years ago, she couldn’t produce enough breast milk. She got a lot of “tsk-tsk’s” from her circle of breastfeeding friends. She tried nursing her daughter for two weeks, but her milk supply was too low. “Even my husband was telling me to keep trying,” Ellen shared, “but I knew in my heart I did not have enough supply.” While she appreciated boosts of encouragement from her nursing friends, she shared that “what I needed was assurance that it was okay not to because I really couldn’t. But parang weird sa kanila na hindi ako makapag-nurse. Eh wala talaga eh. I cried and cried kasi I felt so bad.” With help from her pediatrician, Ellen chose to give her daughter formula. Ellen is now the mother of two healthy and happy toddlers, who both have strong relationships with their Mommy.  Does she feel like less of a Mom because she wasn’t able to nurse? “Not anymore,” is her reply.

Dear fellow Mom, I believe that while breastfeeding is a great way to strengthen connections with your infant, it’s not the only way. If you bottle-feed your child, you can carry him in your arms with a lot of skin-to-skin contact. Make eye contact. Talk to him in a soothing voice. Your relationship with your child isn’t built on whether you nurse him or not. How you take care of him, how you play with him, how you comfort him outweighs how you feed him. You’re not any less of a Mom because you cannot breastfeed.

Now if you’re on the other end of the spectrum nursing your toddler, don’t let other’s judgments bring you down. I’ve been the target of a lot of discouragement but to all that I say “Whatever.” But your breasts will sag! Isn’t it weird he’s so big and still latched on to your boob? Sheesh, what a Mama’s boy. I don’t think I’m better or worse than other Moms because I nurse my two-year-old. I do believe that my way of nurturing my son is the right thing for our relationship. I won’t judge how you feed your kid, don’t judge me on how I feed mine. Again, every relationship is different, and you parent the way you think is best for your own children.

Let’s talk about baby wearing. Baby wearing is holding or carrying a baby or young child using a baby carrier. Baby carriers make holding babies easier and more comfortable, allowing parents to carry their children while performing daily tasks. One of my closest friends carried her baby around a lot in a carrier. I thought it was so cool! She could even nurse him through the baby wrap. I also see a lot of Moms carrying their babies in slings around the mall. It is a lovely sight.

Dear fellow Mom, if you tried this and it didn’t work for you, don’t despair. There are a number of us who thought about baby wearing, even tried it, but were just not cut out for it. I tried three different kinds of slings and baby carriers for my baby, but I couldn’t get it right. I couldn’t master the skill at all. At the heart of it all, I think it stemmed from a lot of discomfort. In the end, I decided not to go for baby wearing. Did I feel less of a Mom? No. Do I regret it? No. It is what it is.

Finally, let’s talk about co-sleeping. Do you feel less of a Mom because you let your infant sleep in a crib and not beside you? Don’t. Do you feel less of a Mom because you let your infant co-sleep with you? Don’t. Again it’s about what kind of technique you are comfortable with. If rolling over baby in bed while you’re asleep freaks you out, the crib it is. If you enjoy sleeping in bed with your kids, carry on.

Motherhood is not about your ability to nurse, wear your baby or co-sleep. The following quote from psychologist William Blatz best summarizes what motherhood, what parenting is all about:

Affection without sentiment, authority without cruelty, discipline without aggression, humor without ridicule, sacrifice without obligation, companionship without possessiveness.

What mothers need from other Moms is support, not prejudice. Motherhood is tough enough as it is. Let’s go easy on each other, shall we?

Remember, you ARE Mom enough.

Your fellow Mom,

Mommy T    

Photo: “bisous” by Alain Bachellier, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

Toni Tiu is a brand strategist and writer. She is a Mom to a two-year-old toddler. For stories on motherhood, home and living, visit her personal blog at Wifelysteps.com.