Growing constantly, ineluctably

Jesus also said, “In the kingdom of God it is like this. A man scatters seed upon the soil. Whether he is asleep or awake, be it day or night, the seed sprouts and grows, he knows not how. The soil produces of itself; first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. And when it is ripe for harvesting they take the sickle for the cutting: the time for harvest has come.”

Jesus also said, “What is the kingdom of God like? To what shall we compare it? It is like mustard seed which, when sown, is the smallest of all the seeds scattered upon the soil. But once sown, it grows up and becomes the largest of the plants in the garden and even grows branches so big that the birds of the air can take shelter in its shade.” Jesus used many such stories or parables, to proclaim the word to them in a way they would be able to understand. He would not teach them without parables; but privately to his disciples he explained everything.

Mark 4: 26-34

I could not attend the last day of the National Congress for Priests. I had to bring my parents to Dr. Vicaldo’s clinic at the Heart Center. As I prepared myself for the trip to Heart Center, my mobile rang. It was Julie Aurelio of the Inquirer. “Father, do you already know?” “Know what? “ I asked Julie. “That you have a warrant of arrest for your libel case filed by the Enriles.”

Julie asked me a few more questions and then hung up. I had almost finished getting ready to leave my room when she called. I decided not to say anything to my parents and to just wait till the news item is out.

There is an uncanny similarity between this call and the events of my arrest in 2002. It was May 25, 2002, a Friday. I was leaving UST Hospital after visiting my father, who was being prepared for a triple by-pass operation. My mobile rang. A radio reporter from DZMM was on the line. He asked, “How is your father?” I was surprised by his question. How could he have known that I had just come from the hospital to visit my father? I told him, “He is alright. He is quite prepared for his by-pass operation tomorrow.” Then he continued, “Why, what’s wrong with your father?” Confused, I asked him, “I thought you called up because you knew about my father’s operation.” The reporter assured me that he will pray for my father. He explained that what he meant was, “What is your father’s reaction to the news that you have a warrant of arrest.”

On both occasions, my father was either in the hospital or on his way there. I left my room, started the pickup, and called for my parents. I drove to the Heart Center careful not to say anything. I managed, but also worried a bit about how my parents, especially my mother, would react to the news when it comes out.

Meanwhile, I had to keep quiet and pray in secret. I could not spread the news to anyone lest it find its way back to my parents. I tried to keep in touch with what was happening within. I was at peace but a bit uncertain about my next moves. I still have a lot to do in the coming days. I have the launching of the “Isang Daan Na Lang” tomorrow. I am leaving for Palawan on Sunday. I am trying to prevent the resumption of the demolition of houses in the portion of Road 10 in Navotas. What will happen?

While I drove to Heart Center, my mother carried on a light banter with my father. My thoughts went to my new friends in R10 Navotas. I have been seeing them almost everyday on my way to the World Trade Center. Each time I visited them, just before I left, I would invite them to be quiet and then we would pray. It was not the usual mass but it was a Eucharistic moment. The body of Christ was being broken and shared among my poor sisters and brothers. We were nourishing each other but they were nourishing me more than I them.

In all these the Kingdom grows whether we know it or not, whether we like it or not. The gospel likens the kingdom to a seed: A man scatters seed upon the soil. Whether he is asleep or awake, be it day or night, the seed sprouts and grows, he knows not how.

Keeping quiet about what may be disturbing news to my parents, helps me to be in touch with what happens within. Thus, I realize how important are these wordless, speechless, silent moments. During these time, it is the Lord, not us, who speaks. I had to keep quiet and wait until its time to speak. I will only speak when the news finally comes out in the papers, tomorrow or Sunday. Meanwhile, I will continue doing what I must do, quietly, reflectively and more prayerfully. Moments like this are gifts, precious opportunities to look at our lives differently, at a level deeper than usual.

This is almost eight years after I voluntarily surrendered myself to be arrested on May 28, 2002. Is there a difference between then and now? Has the kingdom grown within me and from me began to spread to more places and persons too? It is a humbling question to which I could only hazard a negative answer. But couldn’t and shouldn’t the kingdom of God grow even in spite of us? Truly, it has and will continue to do so. Not only are we instruments of the kingdom. We too can be fertilizers of the kingdom. Our actions whether good or bad can mysteriously be composted by the Spirit of God to benefit both us and others in ways beyond our understanding and expectation.

Will I go back to jail again because of this new Warrant of Arrest? What is God telling me now? What is God doing to me now? How is the Kingdom growing within me now?

Lord, You have taught us to pray, “Your Kingdom come, Your Will be done on earth as in heaven.” During these strange and inconvenient times, teach me to trust in you. Lead me to deeper silence, that I may discover the light that will lead me to do your Holy Will. Amen.

Photo Edd Castro

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