The Philippine Online Chronicles

…On seeing the angel, Zechariah was deeply troubled and fear took hold of him. But the angel said to him, “Don’t be afraid, Zechariah, be assured that your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son and you shall name him John. He will bring joy and gladness to you and many will rejoice at his birth.

…Zechariah said to the angel, “How can I believe this? I am an old man and my wife is elderly, too.” The angel replied, “I am Gabriel, who stands before God, and I am the one sent to speak to you and bring you this good news! My words will come true in their time. But you would not believe and now you will be silent and unable to speak until this has happened.”

…When his time of service was completed, Zechariah returned home and some time later Elizabeth became pregnant…

Luke 1:5-25

After a hectic week I was looking forward to this day. I left Hong Kong last Monday, had meetings Tuesday and had a series of serious activities from Wednesday to Friday. I need time to stop and recover from all these, to gather my thoughts and feelings and bring these to prayerful silence to allow God to speak to me through the events of the past days.

Fear, doubt, uncertainty also affect me. I have journeyed with all kinds of groups and sectors, trying my best to listen to them and share their pain even in a little way. I can identify with Zechariah who upon seeing an angel was deeply troubled and taken over by fear. Although angels do not appear to me, I have witnessed enough awesome and overwhelming sights and situations that make me feel so small and insignificant. I have experienced very real discouragement, exhaustion and even burn out. Thank God for quiet moments and days off. My stint in China was one long quiet moment. From a frenetic, literally turbulent existence, I moved into the simplicity and quiet of an ordinary English teacher’s life. I remember those countless days of just running or quietly walking along my favorite river just outside the University walls. I often stopped and looked at and into the crystal clear waters, contemplated the slow and even movements of vegetable farmers, the almost statuesque figures of those fishing along the banks. When I moved to Hong Kong, those long MTR or train rides, the walks in between rides until I reached my destination, offered long breaks of silence and the absence of direct human contact whether in conversation or work.

Those many moments of silence and solitude were healing and renewing. Today is similar. I stay home and just be. In the past days, I was always out involved with groups fighting for certain causes, of vital importance. Most of these activities were intense and emotionally draining. Last Wednesday’s mass with the Davao farmers fighting against aerial spray was deeply moving but also emotionally taxing. The following day, at Comelec, the protest against the Comelec’s decision to remove Grace Padaca from office was also demanding and exhausting. In all these, I did not have a driver or an assistant. In each involvement, I drove myself and played certain roles that were physically, emotionally and spiritually draining. Today is a quiet, silent, contemplative and prayerful day. I thank God for this. It gives me a chance to look into my motivation, examine my conscience and pray for all those I have encountered and help. I am sure towards the end of today, I will feel less afraid, overwhelmed and tired. God will renew me, heal me, forgive me and make me whole once more.

Thank you Lord for days like today. Thank you for the gift of silence and rest. Thank you for the gaps that allow us to look at the things we do and discover the poverty of our actions and motivations. In the end, after what we accomplish, we are but ordinary servants carrying out what is expected of us. Teach us the humility to see our littleness. Teach us to encounter you, listen to you and be renewed by you during moments like this. Amen.

Photo: “DSC02284” by The POC (Ofelia Sta. Maria), c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved.