The Philippine Online Chronicles

Nation, in light of yesterday’s bus bombing, we find it necessary to discuss a topic that is every bit as pressing and as important: the Big Bad Blogger (BBB). That’s right, the bogeyman of the Philippine blogosphere at present. And of course, as a patriotic Filipino, I will no doubt find a way to connect the two at some point.

And thus, the story of the so-called BBB runs thus: a restaurant owner once received a glowing review from the BBB, the PR firm she has been in talks with then tells the owner she can get this kind of coverage for a price, and then she assumes that this means that the BBB and the firm are doing business together. No harm in that, although the staggering price makes the owner decline the proposal.

Fast forward to the owner starting a new restaurant, the BBB shows up, writes a scathing review about the restaurant, the PR firm talks to her once again, and tells her the blogger can make not only a retraction but even an outright 180-degree turn to acknowledge that the restaurant was actually good. And he can do it – for a price.

This is extortion, for lack of a better word. And if one were to accuse anyone of doing this in print, then they better be prepared to defend it in court, which I guess explains why the author of the article decided to hide the names of everyone involved in what was less an insightful analysis of how blogging has hit a very dubious first (that we know of) and more of a typical showbiz blind item, replete with catchy nicknames, as well as embellishments left and right to enhance the story’s lurid appeal. You can just sense the journalistic integrity at work, setting apart those who write for the newspapers from those who write for the internet. Surely, only internet writers use intrigue, sensationalism, and speculation to get their point across, unlike us true journalists (Editor’s Note: You do realize you’re writing for an internet publication, right?)

We need more examples of great journalism like this. Surely, with the author leading the charge, we would be hitting a new level of journalistic integrity, the likes we have never reached after La Solidaridad during the Spanish occupation. But on top of that, we need more rumor-mongers to add fuel to the fire, pointing fingers blindly without an ounce of evidence, but just going with the gut-feel that “it’s gotta be this guy.”

It doesn’t matter if the man can’t even bring himself to write a truly “scathing” review if his life depends on it, but you just know it’s gotta be Anton Diaz.

Do we have evidence? No!

Do we have proof? No!

But hey, our gut tells us it’s him, so we have to listen to our gut, right? Why let silly things like actual investigative work and the decency of presuming innocence until establishing guilt beyond reasonable doubt get in the way of being armchair and mostly anonymous naysayers of one of the most well-known bloggers in the country right now? We don’t need no stinkin’ evidence! Truthiness will set us free, and we must whip out the torches and the pitchforks to lynch this man online. If we find out it’s someone else afterwards, whoops, but let’s pick up our torches and pitchforks and lynch that one instead. Indeed, we ought to shoot first, ask questions later. Let the people with brains sort it out, we’re working on pure id all the way.

How about the PR firm? Who is this dastardly firm behind all this? It’s gotta be... it’s gotta be... I actually don’t know! In fact, most of the people making accusations?

They don’t even know what a PR firm is, and just decide to name whatever company they remember that happens to be dealing with bloggers, regardless of the plausibility of their crackpot theories. Isn’t it splendid? After Bambi dela Paz and Ted Failon, it’s good to know that people are still quick to point fingers without really knowing the truth. It apparently is the way things must be done, and surely, it is a great reflection upon us that a sketchy story with vague details is more than enough for us to already judge people and groups as guilty without need of any investigation whatsoever. Let us feel the truth as a nation. Together.

And all the same, with nobody claiming responsibility for the bombing yesterday, I can only imagine who people think was behind it now. Was it Abu Sayyaf? The MNLF? The MILF (Like Stifler’s mom, amirite?)? The Philippine drug cartel? The Comedy Cartel? Who knows? We don’t, but we’ll make up some theories anyways!

But you know what? I’ll tell you one thing for sure. I’ll tell you who really deserves the ire of the bloggers in their witch hunt for the BBB and the Firm, and I’ll tell you who really deserves the rage of the nation in their hunt for the dastardly perpetrators of yesterday’s bombing incident...

... President Noynoy Aquino, that’s who.

Yes! This is all Noynoy’s fault. Noynoy Aquino is responsible for everything that went wrong with these two issues, and more. Where was he when this Big Bad Blogger was making a mockery out of blogging by practically using the power of the online pen as a tool for blackmail and extortion? Where was he to stop this Firm from practicing shady and underhanded tactics just to get what they want? Where was his blog review to tell everyone that Georgia’s restaurant was actually good, and nobody should pay attention to what the Big Bad Blogger had to say? It was his responsibility to police the blogosphere because we can’t do it ourselves!

And yesterday, where was he to defuse the bomb? Where was he to pursue the people who planted this bomb? In fact, doesn’t his conspicuous absence clue you in as to perhaps the dreadful truth? Why won’t he address the allegations against him that he was the one who personally placed the bomb in the bus to create more terror in this nation? Why is he not denying this? Does this not prove that he certainly has something to hide?

And just so you know that I’m far from alone in this sentiment, how about this little gem?

He’s onto you, P Noy.

P Noy, you promised transparency and a straight path of governance. Where are these promises now? Clearly, this is all your fault, and you must be held accountable for everything that has ever gone wrong in our lives. I forgot to take my vitamins! It’s Noynoy’s fault! I didn’t get the job promotion! It’s Noynoy’s fault! I don’t have anything better to do than to blame all my woes on someone who has nothing to do with any of my problems! It’s Noynoy’s fault!

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Though it breaks the character of the author of this article, we would like to stress that this column, like every other column by this author on the POC, is an in-character satire.)

The real Marcelle Fabie is a professional mentalist, an online advertiser, a stand-up comedian, an ethicist, a satirist, a regular guest radio personality on 99.5 RT, and deems himself to be a liberal moderate. As far as political allegiances go, he is an egalitarian: he hates everyone equally. He blogs on mistervader.com.

Screencap from facebook and spotdot,ph

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