The Philippine Online Chronicles

Election is very serious business in this country.  Filipinos have been known to kill and die for it. There are countless cases of election-related violence and still counting.  In a single incident last November, 57 people died in Maguindanao -- in a massacre so heinous and so revolting no one had the audacity to make light of it.

Ordinarily, however, jokes are par for the election course.

Way back in 1997, “eraptions” seemed to have burnished rather than damaged Erap’s presidential stars.  The great unlettered and unwashed identified with his tendency to “murder the King’s English.” They, who couldn’t relate to his opponents’ bombastic rhetoric and debating savvy, laughed not really at Erap but with Erap. Why, he was Asiong Salonga, a Tondo boy, and was one of them.  Children loved him and some thought he was the funniest, smartest man alive.  A famous blogger’s son adored him. I won’t be surprised if Erap’s handlers rehashed some of the best Erap jokes, like:

• In a cabinet meeting, Erap was fuming.  Sabi nya:  “There has been a lot of allegations these days and I would like to know who the alligators are.”
• In a conversation with President Ramos, whom he succeeded in Malacanang:

Erap:  “I have brain cancer. Yehey!!!” 
Ramos: “That’s delicate, how come you’re still happy?” 
Erap: “Now I know I have a brain!”

• Nagpunta si Erap sa England at nag-meet sila ng prime minister.

Habang kumakain, nagtanong ang prime minister.

‘Is San Juanico Bridge the longest bridge in the Philippines ?’

‘Yes,’ mabilis na sagot ni Erap saka biglang nag-isip ng maitatanong din, ‘Ah… Is London Bridge falling down?’

• Rumors circulated in the early days of the Estrada presidency warned that telling Erap jokes would be considered a crime effective immediately.  ‘However, live performances would be available everyday in Malacanang.’

As Election 2010 moves to the finish line, humor-mongers are having a field day and have provided a refreshing breather to the election-jaded.

Here’s one that pokes gentle fun on most of the presidentiables: Villar , Tondo boy; Noynoy, Mama’s boy; Gibo, rich boy; Erap, kanto boy; Gordon, Amboy; Eddie V, altar boy; Jamby, if I were a boy.  Another version has Villar as poor boy; Gibo as pretty boy; Erap as chick boy; and Jamby as tomboy.

A somewhat obscure take is:  “Kung may Erap, may ginawa.  NOY retreat NOY surrender.  No Manny, no honey. GIBO peace a chance.

A recent one making the rounds of the e-mails plays on the issue of presidential theft and corruption.  It seems light and tame too, until its punchline:

Noynoy Aquino:  “Hindi ako magnanakaw.”

Gibo Teodoro:  “Hindi ko kailangang magnakaw.”

Dick Gordon and Bayani Fernando:  Bawal magnakaw; nakamamatay.

Manny Villar:  “Di na ako magnanakaw.”

Erap:  Feel ko uling magnakaw.

GMA:  “Beeh. Wala na kayong mananakaw.” (Naubos na niya!)

Another takes a dig on three candidates in relation to a recent presidentiable forum:  “Brother Eddie,  it’s a debate, not a sermon.  JC dehins, ka na; pampasikip ka lang eh.   Erap please attend; we need comic relief.“

Here are some twittered or otherwise posted lines  on the Net that cast aspersion on some presidentiables while tickling the funny bone:

On Noynoy:  Son of the icon of democracy President Cory Aquiino – is he a WEAK LINK?

Still on Noynoy:  Kung ang slogan ni Villar ay Sipag at Tiyaga, at ang kay Gibo ay Galing at Talino, ang slogan naman daw ni Noynoy ay… Mommy, Daddy at Kris.

Noynoy has been poked for his lack of experience: “Bata pa siguro; ngayon lang tinutubuan ng buhok.”

On Manny Villar: Why was Dolphy chosen for the Manny Villar ad? Does it mean everything Villar says in the campaign is just a joke?

Asked what good thing she can say about Manny Villar, Jamby Madrigal quipped that she liked the way he dyed his hair.

Erap of course hasn’t been spared:  “Tatapusin ni Erap yung sinimulan nya – like the Boracay mansion in New Manila.” “Bakit pa tumatakbo si Erap eh hindi na siya makalakad?” His campaign slogan has been corrupted into:  “Kung may Erap, may mahirap,” “Kung may Erap, marami ang maghihirap,” ad infinitum.

Manny Villar, who is closing in on Noynoy in pre-election polls, must be the most vilified -- both in serious and jesting ways -- presidentiable in this year’s election -- thanks in part, to his climbing (and worrisome for some) survey rating.

Quite over the top is this Manny equation:  “ Man + Evil + Liar = ManE viLiar

Manny is rolling in money, some of the jokes imply.  Sabi daw nya:  “Sino pa kaya ang pwedeng bayaran?  Si Gibo kakampi ko.  Front lang yun.  Si Noynoy di mabibili.  Si Erap, baka ipapatay ako. H’wag na, uy.”  “Manny is the root of all evil.”

Another target of Manny jokes  is his ubiquitous presence in media:  “Nagbabayad nang malaki si Villar para lumabas sa TV; bakit sa Senado na libre, ayaw niyang lumabas?” "Manny Villar is everywhere as in EVERYWHERE. Even in your dreams.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.”

It has been estimated there are 60 versions of Manny's campaign jingle including a Japanese translation.  I'm not sure if this number includes versions meant to spoof and bash him, like this one:

"Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng kubeta? 
Nakapag chongke ka na ba sa gitna ng kalsada? 
‘Yan ang tanong namin 
Tunay ka bang isa sa amin? 

Nalaman mo na bang mapapag-rugby ka niya? 
Tutulungan tayo para maging sindikato 
At ang kanyang plano ay magnakaw tayo 

Si Villar ang tunay na pahirap 
Si Villar ang tunay na walang gilagid 
Si Villar ang may kakayahang 
Gumawa ng sariling sugalan 

Si Manny Villar 
ang maghahakot ng ating kayamanan."

Why do we tell jokes?  Why do we love to laugh?

Pinoys are a smiling, laughing people – irreverent, ticklish, giggly.  Athough our economic indices have hit pit bottom, we rate quite highly in the happiness quotient.  Everything, even the most serious crisis, can be a butt of Pinoy jokes.

Life is difficult enough –  we get sick, weary, troubled, lonely.  But there is always laughter to take refuge in.  It is, indeed, a fabulous medicine.

While we take our elections seriously, we love to laugh at the candidates and at ourselves. And it is a test of the candidate’s mettle how they respond to the jokes cracked at their expense.

Sources:  Ron Chua’s blogs, www.isigaw.com/tweets; www.pinoyexchange.com/forums, some unattributed emails forwarded to the author.

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